How do you handle failure. Multiple failures.When every step you take seems to be going backwards. When you feel all alone in your hopes and dreams. When you lay awake wondering if you've made a dire mistake. When you don't know what to do, where to go, and God doesn't seem to be answering your prayers. What do you do?  

I honestly didn’t know. 2017 has been a trying year for me. I started the year working as an elementary school teacher. A job I loved, but knew was not my purpose. So I searched and applied to positions that were in greater alignment with what I've done in the past. I found the perfect position and applied. A couple months went by and I heard nothing. But I was adamantly in love with the position and pursued. Finally the call came in. Things were lining up! A week after my interview I got the position. Wellness Coordinator at a women and children's non-profit. Three weeks later in May I started. Three months later in August I resigned. 👀👀👀 What happened??? Simply put I found myself beyond miserable. How bad could it have been to leave three months in??? I found myself in a job I thought would be a dream only to learn that my spirit had no interest in the work. Everyday was a struggle.  

This shook my foundation and put into question everything. A month in I knew I'd leave, but that felt too rash, so I told myself to stick it out a year, gain experience, then find someplace better. But the problem wasn't the organization. The issue was that this wasn't the career for me. I was not in alignment with my divine assignment. So I left and went to search for it.  

It's now December 2017 and I haven't found it, yet. I would've love to report that I did, but I haven't. But I will. After being practically unemployed for over three months I've now returned to teaching. I'm a year closer to 30 and still at home. Single. And I still don't know how to cross the bridge from where I am now to where I want to be. Heck, I can't even find the bridge! 

So where do I go from here, what do I do?  The only thing I know and can do. Draw closer to Jesus. Despite the overwhelming sense of confusion, the high levels of uncertainty, and a drowning sense of failure I know God's promises and purpose in creating me are alive.  

The woman He created me to be is the woman I am becoming.  Because when I step back and and look at the year as a whole I can say without hesitation that 2017 has been my greatest year yet. These seeming failures are cornerstones to the life He's curating for me. This was a year of so many new experiences, from leaving multiple jobs, leaving friendships, venturing to new places, and for the first time in my 27 years embracing all the woman I am. Even writing this post is a huge deal for me.  

A big part of sharing this is to timestamp where I am now in life. A living testament of my faith that a year from today He will have guided me to the bridge towards my divine assignment. There will be more hurdles to cross, but I'm determined to leap over them. I'm determined to do what my soul so desperately wants me to do. That's writing on this blog, even when I don't think I'm a writer. That's reaching out to others in the blog industry when I feel like I'm just gonna be ignored, that's truly believing that He will provide all I need. Sincere relationships, my divine calling, financial prosperity, the greatest form of love.  

So, how do I handle failure, uncertainty, confusion? I call on the name of Jesus. And like the persistent woman, I will persist until my God delivers, because He will.  

Let's go, 2018. 

Yours Always & Faithfully,