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27 Years of Single: Reflections on Love and Life



I’ve been single my whole life. For reason I’m unable to fairly articulate I needed to write this post. In the 27 years I’ve been alive I have not had a man. In that whole time I’ve dated a handful of times.  Knowing I’m not alone in this makes it easier to write about. As I near the end of my season (drought? life?) of singleness I thought this the best time to reflect on the journey. I’ve read a few articles on the value of enjoying this period of being single and I wanted to share my experience because it’s unique, uncommon, although not rare.  

Statistically speaking I don’t know how I’m still single. Never having a romantic relationship for almost three decades seems impossible. But here I am.  And so is my best friend and a few of my other friends. I never freaked out about it or seriously thought something was wrong with me because I had them, we have each other. And it was a choice. Of course my friends and I joke about it and as we crossed over 25 years it’s on our minds more often than before. We all certainly want to be in relationships.  

I want to be in a relationship. Over the past year it’s been consistently gnawing my spirit. And for the first time in my life I began to feel lonely. For almost 26 years being single was just what it was. I never cared to much, I lived and loved my life. I had my family, friends, and all the freedom a girl could ask for. None of which are exclusive to singles, of course. But now I want to share all of me with that special guy. One of the major reasons for this is because there’s so many things I want to do, certain places I want to go, and experiences I want to have that are simply best shared with a significant other. I’m at a point in my life where dining, living, and traveling with friends or solo don’t hold the same appeal they once did. I will always want to do those things, but now sharing these experiences with someone special is what I want.   

And of course you don’t have to have been single for a long time to have those desires. There are people in relationships that want these same thing. I’m blessed to have taken advantage of my independence. And as I reflect on my singleness what I’m most happy about is me and my growth and trust in God.  

Growing up dating was a BIG no. My mom never allowed it, even if it were the pastor’s son. In my teens I secretly rebelled against that rule to a near disastrous end. Briefly dating a guy who was well in his 20s and nearly giving up my virginity to someone I wouldn’t recognize on the streets today. I had my first real kiss in the 10th grade pressed against the lockers by the 3rd string quarterback. Teenage cliché checked. I soon realized that I wasn’t ready for sex so off to college I went (logically). God had to have been shielding me during those 4.5 years, because there’s NO other way anyone goes to college and leaves still single. Not one relationship? Nope. How sway?! I put the blame on my pre-med track and my holier than thy friends. But seriously, college was the greatest four years of my life. I met my best friends there and have been laughing at life with them since. I traveled and lived internationally for the first time and earned a degree. Meeting a guy just never happened. There were potentials but nothing sparked an interest for me. And with a group of about 10 other friends in the same situation there was no burning desire to pursue anyone.  

Fast forward to today. I’ve gone a few dates but quickly realized the guys weren’t the waiting on marriage type, so we parted. I would never compromise my sacred values for social gains. I’m at a place in my life where I love the woman I am. I’m ready as can be expected to share that woman with the special man for me. Someone I’m not only compatible with but also emotionally and spiritually available for.  

So as I write this my man isn’t here yet, but I know we’re closer to each other than ever before. I’m faithful that this will be the year ( eek, that’s BOLD. I’m putting the spotlight on Jesus). So here I am. And if you’re here too, or somewhere near, keep loving and working on you. Love and give love. Don’t allow social pressures to dictate your life. The day will come when you’ll meet the someone meant for you. We both will. Until then, let’s keep loving the journey, the best is yet to come.  


Faithfully,  

Marie  

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